


Old Things Anew

by boredomsMuse



Series: Central Born, LA Raised [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:14:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26283235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boredomsMuse/pseuds/boredomsMuse
Summary: As a teenager, Barry deals with: Len, super speed, and unconscious hospital visits.  In that order.In his mid-twenties, Barry deals with: Unconscious hospital visits, super speed, and Len.It’s not just the order that changes.(Aka The first four episodes of the Flash, from within the LA Raised AU.)
Relationships: (one sided), Barry Allen & Felicity Smoak, Barry Allen/Iris West, Barry Allen/Leonard Snart, Eddie Thawne/Iris West
Series: Central Born, LA Raised [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1900780
Comments: 20
Kudos: 214





	1. 1. Pilot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I thought as I finished Childhood Secrets, the set up is done and surely no other fic in this series will be so long.
> 
> Oh how wrong I was 
> 
> Please Enjoy, and if you do enjoy Angela_Citrino because it was their really awesome comment that got me inspired to write it so quickly
> 
> \--
> 
> Oh look [ a link to collection of links.](https://linktr.ee/kailsmusings) Including a TAPAs account link that probably shouldn't be there because I haven't started anything yet, but I _am_ planning to start a novel there soon

The chain is metal. Metal and lightning do not mix.

Barry doesn’t think of this as he grabs it, because really, what are the chances lightning is going to strike near enough for it to matter? It might be a freak storm, but it’s still just a storm.

Then he watches the chemicals in his lab defy the laws of physics and Barry doesn’t think about the fact he’s touching metal. Not until that last moment, right at lightning strikes and he realizes it’s too late to let go. The shock sends him flying, smashing into chemicals that Singh doesn’t actually know he’s signing off on. They shatter and spill, glass cutting through his skin as lightning courses through his veins.

Barry’s eyes are already shut.

* * *

His heart stops and starts and stops and starts. The hospital scrambles to keep him alive but they don’t know how. More than once they’ve said they’ve done all they can. Joe tells them to keep trying.

A day later, Barry’s stabilizing for a few hours at most. Iris and Joe stay with him while they can and wait in the halls, terrified, when they can’t. Or at least they do until a nurse gently asks them to sit in the waiting room, because they’re scaring other patients.

That’s where Detective Pretty-Boy finds them, Iris sitting with an ice-cold coffee in her hands and Joe pacing. “Hey.” He greets, gently. “How are you two holding up?”

“As well as we can.” Iris manges. Horribly, is what she means.

“What are you here for Detective?” Joe asks, a little more accusatory than Iris thinks it fair. If Eddie notices, he doesn’t say anything.

“I found this on Mr Allen’s desk, thought you might want it.” Eddie explains, holding out Barry’s phone.

“Thank you.” Iris smiles, taking the device. “But call him Barry, please, he hates being called Mr Allen.”

“Barry it is.” Eddie nods. “Detective West, Captain Signh says he’ll put through all the paid leave he can for you. But if you need any extra help just let me know, I’m happy to cover your shifts.” He adds.

“...Thank you.” Joe says, after a moment of pause. “That means a lot Detective.”

“It’s the least I can do.” Eddie claims. “I hope he gets better soon.” He leaves them then and Joe goes back to pacing. Iris looks down to Barry’s phone. She knows the passcode, he gave it to her in case of emergencies. 

Iris doesn’t want to think this is an emergency. She wants to pretend that Barry’s fine, the doctors will come say so any minute.

For a whole fifteen minutes, Iris manages to lie to herself. Then she gives in and goes through Barry’s contacts. There aren’t many, even less that don’t already know. Actually there’s really just one, someone labeled ‘Tech Support’. Despite the contact name, their conversation looks a lot more friendly than actual Tech Support would be.

_ Hi, this is Iris, Barry’s friend. I just thought you should know he’s in hospital. _

The response she gets is almost immediate:  _ Is he alright??? _

_ He was struck by lightning _ , Iris manages as tears start pooling in her eyes. Again.  _ The Doctor’s are trying to stabilize him _ . Her vision’s too blurry to read Tech Support’s reply.

* * *

“Hey Bar.” Iris manages to greet, taking the seat beside him. It’s not the first time she’s visited but it’s the first time she’s managed to speak. The first time she’s managed to ignore the mess of wires and needles and machines that are keeping her best friend alive. 

“Sorry Dad isn’t here he uh, the funeral’s today. For Fred. I should be there but I just…” She trails off. “God, I thought of it being you and I just… I couldn’t.” Her words give out then, barely a minute before Barry’s heart goes flat and doctors flood the room.

Iris isn’t sure even the doctor’s know how many times that’s happened.

* * *

Felicity’s life is… complicated, to say the least. Complicated and busy and the bad guys don’t care that her best friend might be dying right now. They just keep coming. 

She doesn’t make it to Central City until after Barry’s been moved to STAR Labs. Until after he’s finally been stabilized.

Does it make her a bad friend if she’s kinda glad? 

Felicity has enough memories of Barry injured. Has worse memories of his eyes vacant and empty, when he can’t manage to hide the depression that chews him up. That mixed with the things she’s seen working on Team Arrow…

Well, Felicity’s not sad she didn’t have to add to that collection.

Not that she doesn’t. 

“You weren’t made to lie still Barry.” She tells him, sitting beside his bed. “It doesn’t look right.” He doesn’t reply, because of course he doesn’t. He can’t. She keeps talking anyway. “I told Cisco and Caitlin we met in Starling City. I don’t know if they count, you know, for the Rules, capital r, we have. Figured it was for the best though, I mean they said Joe and Iris stop by whenever they can.” The machines are beeping, it’s the only noise around.

“You weren’t made to be quiet Barry.” Felicity says before letting out a wet laugh. “God, you promised me you wouldn’t scare me like this again, remember? I was so scared back then but it seems so silly, I mean you were only out for a couple of hours. It’s been… It’s been weeks Barry. Please wake up.”

“Please.”

He doesn’t.

* * *

Joe’s usually quiet when he visits, eyes glued to Barry’s chest. Watching it rise and fall, rise and fall. Every breath is a good sign to Joe.

But it’s been months.

Breathing just doesn’t feel like enough anymore.

“You’re going to be kicking yourself when you wake up Bar.” Joe says, voice tight. That Cisco kid says that Barry can hear everything, at least on some level, but Joe has trouble believing it. No way this kid would lay there, motionless, if he could hear. He’d have too much to say.

“You loved this place, STAR labs.” Joe continues, taking his eyes off Barry for the first time since he arrived. “I bet you’d still love it, even though that trinket of theirs blew up. There’s Wells here too, you’ve always loved that guy. I still don’t get it. Something about him seems off to me, but he’s keeping you alive so I guess he can’t be all bad. Even paying your rent. 

“You’re really going to be kicking yourself Bar, knowing you spent so much time asleep in your dream building.” Joe dares to look at Barry again but not a finger has twitched. He sighs as he looks away.

“I’ve been talking to your dad.” Joe says. “You’ve always wanted me to get to know him, now we’re talking every week. We only really talk about you but he seems nice enough.” Minus the fact he killed his wife, but Joe knows Barry doesn’t want to hear that. Even if he can’t hear this. 

“Henry asked me about your childhood, made me think you don’t talk about it much. Your Aunt hasn’t come down, hasn’t even asked how you are, and Henry says she was never a great sister either.” Joe purses his lips. “You told me about her locking you in your room once, when you first moved in, and I thought you were just over-reacting to a new situation. You never brought it up again and then we lost contact.

“I swear to you Barry Allen, if you wake up I will be the parent you never got. You didn’t deserve that, kid. You deserved so much better. And I will do what I can to make it up to you, if you just wake up. Please.”

* * *

“I’m not going to let you die.” Caitlin states, late at night after Doctor Wells and Cisco have gone home. Someone has to stay with Barry overnight, just in case. It doesn’t have to be Caitlin, but she’s the most qualified so usually it is. 

Besides, her house isn’t a home anymore. It hasn’t been since she lost Ronnie.

“No one else is dying because of that night.” Caitlin swears. “I won't let them.”

That’s not a promise she can keep. Months from now, when the crowds seem flooded with meta-humans and the world is full of impossible things, people will die. Heroes, villians, civilians. That night will echo in history forever.

But right now, Caitlin can save Barry. 

And she will.

* * *

Cisco talks to Barry a lot. About everything. It’s kinda nice.

Which is probably a little messed up, because the guy’s in a coma. But it’s nice to have someone that doesn’t get annoyed by his constant rambling. Someone that doesn’t think he needs to grow up and be serious.

“You’d get it Barry.” Cisco tells him often, as he checks up on machines or works on designs in the same room. “You seem like a nerdy kind of guy, but you’re super smart too. At least that’s what Iris and Felicity say. They seem nice. I don’t know if they’ve actually met yet though, because they don’t seem like they know each other. And Felicity doesn’t get to stop by often. You know I met her in Starling once, when we had to do inventory and almost got killed. She seemed super worried that we almost died but I think that’s ‘cause we can’t get killed and look after you, you know.” He pauses to take a deep breath.

Cisco doesn’t like silence, even just in the moment it takes him to start talking again. There’s too much pressure in a silent room.

“You should wake up soon man. These conversations would be a lot cooler if you could join in.”

* * *

“I think I stole Detective Pretty-Boy from you.” Iris whispers one day. “I mean, he didn’t  _ say _ he had a crush on you but I mean, he’s read your blog. And I mean the whole thing. He’s got to be at least a little in love with you to do that.

“I think that’s actually how I stole him. He’s been covering dad’s shifts. Which is super nice and super exhausting, right? So I thought, what better way to thank him than coffee and donuts? We talked about you the whole time, and then we did it again. And again. And then we weren’t talking about just you, and then he asked me out. On a real date. And it went really well.” She explains, still feeling a little flustered at the thought.

“Please don’t be mad at me Barry. I really didn’t mean to steal him, it just sort of happened.” She says before pausing. “Or do be mad, because you have to be awake to be mad and I’d really like you to be awake.”

* * *

“I’ve added a ridiculous level of security to your phone by the way Bar.” Felicity warns. “Because I keep wanting to call you, but I can’t. So I have to do the next best thing. But it’s probably a huge security risk to just like, text you all this super sensitive stuff so I had to write it in code. And then I figured I should probably just make your phone hack-proof too.

“I mean it’s probably not  _ completely _ hack-proof because is that even possible? But it’s as close to hack-proof as I could possibly make it. I’ve said hack-proof so much it doesn’t even sound like a real word anymore. Was it ever a real word?” She muses, and then frowns. “I think you’d tell me it’s not, just to mess with me. And then we’d make a list of incredibly ridiculous words. Like, like you remember that one time you said you’d ‘chemicaled’ it. You might be in a coma, but I’m still not letting you live that one down Barry.” The teasing manages to bring a smile to her face, for all of a second.

“Please wake up.”

* * *

“This is getting a bit ridiculous, Flash.” Eobard complains one night, after he’s certain Cisco and Caitlin are gone. “You don’t even know who I am and yet you’re still  _ testing  _ me. Do you know, I wonder, somewhere in that unconscious mind of yours. Do you know how badly I want to watch you suffer?

“Of course you don’t, I’m too far ahead to allow that.” He dismisses. “Oh but some days I have to wonder, Flash. If you’re lying there on purpose, daring me to kill you so I ruin all my work and get stuck here forever.

“But I won’t. I can be very patient, Barry. Don’t you worry. You will wake up and I will make you into the man you are destined to be.” He pauses, to stare at the sleeping face of this man that he despises so. “And then I will destroy you.”

* * *

One moment Barry is standing in his lab, lamenting his luck. There’s rain, and floating chemicals, and a flash of light.

The next moment he’s gasping awake.

“He’s up!” He hears someone announce as he tries to make sense of his surroundings. This definitely isn’t his lab. It looks more like a… high-tech first aid room. A first aid room that’s playing… is that Lady Gaga?

“Where am I?” Barry asks, and then blinks as a face suddenly fills his vision.

“You need to sit still so I can take your vitals.” The face says. 

“What?” Barry mutters, and then turns away as a light suddenly replaces the face. “What’s going on?”

“Hey dude, just calm down. You’re all good.” Another voice says, coming from his other side. That face is grinning. “You’re at STAR Labs.”

“STAR labs?” Barry repeats, frowning. “What… Who, who are you?” 

“I’m Cisco Ramon.” The grin face says. “And that’s Caitlin, uh Doctor Snow to strangers. But you’re not really a stranger. I mean you’ve been here nine months.”

“That’s nice Cisco.” Face One, Caitlin says, drawing Barry’s attention again. “I need to take your vitals.” She tells Barry. 

“She really doesn’t, we have you hooked up to like, all the things.” Cisco claims.

“Can you just, slow down? For two seconds?” Barry asks. “What’s going on? Why am I here? What do you mean nine months?”

“Whoa, now who needs to slow down?” Cisco teases then, when Barry just looks confused, he continues. “Dude you were struck by lightning.” 

“What?” Barry responds, even as the memory returns. Chemicals, a spark of light. He looks down, expecting scars at least, and frowns. “Lightning gave me abs?”

“Your muscles should be atrophied, but instead they're in a chronic and unexplained state of cellular regeneration.” Caitlin explains.

“So yes, lightning gave you abs.” Cisco rephrases. “And, also put you in a coma.” He adds, a little less cheerfully.

“A coma?” Barry repeats. “For, for how long?”

“Nine months.” Caitlin offers. Before Barry can ask more questions, the room door slides open.

“Welcome back Mr Allen.”

* * *

Nine months. 

Looking down at the destroyed particle barrier, letting Dr Wells’ words wash over him, Barry just… can’t seem to commute those words.

Nine months.

When last Barry’s eyes were open, it was almost Christmas. He had plans for Christmas dinner with Joe and Iris, vacation time he planned to use with Felicity. There were gifts at the very back of his closet. Now he might as well use them next Christmas. 

He’d slept through his birthday. And Felicity’s. Iris’. 

Did he still have a job? An apartment?

Nine months, gone in a flash of lightning.

“Mr Allen?” Dr Wells draws him out of his thoughts. They’re not standing by the particle accelerator anymore, instead joining Cisco and Caitlin in what appears to be a central hub. Barry hadn’t even realized they were walking.

“Sorry.” He says. “I’m… I’m alright I just… it’s a lot to take in.” He says.

“Nine months is a long time.” Dr Wells agrees.

“Which is why we should be running tests right now.” Caitlin says. “We don’t know what condition you’re in.”

“Really, I feel fine.” Barry claims, shrugging. “I just… I need some air.”

“I’m not sure that’s wise Mr Allen.” Dr Wells frowns. “Caitlin’s right, we should be making sure of your health.”

“I promise, I will call you as soon as anything changes.” Barry says, already walking backwards out of the room. “I just really need some time to think.”

“Really?” He hears Caitlin exclaim as he turns the corner and then Barry stops, taking a step back.

“Can I keep the sweatshirt?” He asks, because he doesn’t have anything else to wear and also because  _ holy shit a STAR labs sweatshirt _ .

“Yes, keep the sweatshirt.” Doctor Wells brushes him off.

“Okay, thank you, bye.” Barry says, trying not to jog to the exit.

The elevator doors shut behind Barry, blocking out STAR labs and the reality within. Barry takes a deep breath and tries to pretend it blocks out his thoughts too. When that doesn’t work he checks his phone.

Hundreds of notifications stare back at him.

A good many of them are from Felicity. She’s sent almost daily messages, he realizes as he skims through them. Occasionally they’re longer, updates on the life she’s living and the messes she’s getting herself into.

Iris and Joe have sent less texts but they’re similar in theme. Things they think Barry should know, things they think he’s missing out on. Even Captain Singh has sent him a couple.

Nine months worth of ‘hi’s and ‘I miss you’s and ‘please wake up soon’s.

It doesn’t feel real.

They need to know he’s awake. He should really tell them. His finger hovers over Felicity’s contact because he should call her first. They’ve been best friends since they were evelen and, well, she’s the biggest worry wart he knows. He should  _ definitely _ call her first.

But as the elevator doors open, Barry puts his phone away. He  _ will _ call her. But right now he needs time to breathe. 

Nine months. 

Nine months of the world moving and him not. 

He’s not sure he can handle his first reunion being over the phone. Jitters isn’t too far from STAR labs. Iris is usually working right now, isn’t she?

Unless she’s quit in the last nine months, unless things have changed, but Barry doesn’t think about that.

* * *

Iris holds him tight, the first grounding presence since he woke up. She frets and he assures her and then…

And then Barry gets his first hint that something is wrong.

“Are you okay Tracey?” Iris asks her coworker, not letting go of Barry even as she turns to look at the shattered cup. Barry barely notices.

Time didn’t just…

Did that really just happen?

Time hasn’t slowed down like that since Barry was sixteen, messing with chemicals he really had no right owning. Even then it was never like this. Never so… he doesn’t even know how to explain it.

“My dad is going to be so happy to see you.” Iris says, drawing his attention back to her. Forcing himself to focus, Barry manages a smile.

“I should head over to the station, say hi.” He says.

“I’ll come with you.” Iris decides quickly, squeezing his hands. It takes her another minute to let go, saying she has to get her stuff. “Don’t… don’t go anywhere, okay?” She asks, quiet and almost pleading. It’s nothing like the joy she had at seeing him.

It’s a lot like Felicity, seventeen and begging him to stop.

“Won’t move a muscle.” Barry promises. Nodding, Iris rushes to the back. Barry keeps his word, not moving a muscle even though he’s a little in the way.

What had Doctor Wells said about his heart beat? That it was too fast to read? And now Barry’s watching the world slow down. He was standing right by those chemicals when the lightning struck, it’s entirely possible he got covered in them. But…

The effects have never been this long lasting. Sure, they lasted longer if he didn’t use them but… but nine months? Something else  _ has _ to be happening here.

“Ready?” Iris asks, already back at his side.

“I don’t know, feeling a little tired.” Barry claims, faking a yawn. 

“Don’t joke like that.” Iris huffs, shoving him as they leave the cafe. It’s grounding, in a way.

He’s fine. His head’s just playing tricks on him. That’s all. It’s a perfectly reasonable response to a nine month coma, right?

* * *

It’s not his head.

Barry doesn’t know how it happened but he is definitely,  _ definitely _ moving super fast. 

“Everything alright?” Iris asks, hand resting on Barry’s shoulder.

“Yeah.” Barry assures, smiling as he turns to her. “I just, I think I need some air. Some time to think. I’ll call you tonight, okay?”

“Okay…” Iris doesn’t sound too happy but she lets Barry go without a fuss. Barry walks carefully out of the station, hyper aware of the speed of every step. When he reaches the car park he double checks he’s alone and then repeats a test he first did at fifteen.

His hand vibrates so fast it becomes a blur.

“Heh.” Barry manages. He can’t feel the speed fading, the chemicals working their way through his system. It’s almost like… It’s almost like it’s permanent. “But that’s not possible.” Checking once more for witnesses, Barry runs to the other side of the carpark. He makes it there in the blink of an eye, the speed still isn’t fading. 

A smile starting to form on his face, Barry turns towards the street and starts running. He’s made it several blocks by the time he runs into a laundry truck, hyper aware of there being no soft place to stop. The man filling the truck turns to look at him but Barry’s already run around the corner.

“It’s permanent.” He says, grinning ear to ear as he stops. “But why?”

* * *

Barry brings his speed to STAR labs because he’s not sure who else to bring it too. Felicity isn’t as strong in chemistry as she is computers, and he’s pretty sure she’ll freak out. But STAR labs is already, at least vaguely, aware that sometimes going on here.

He just… opts not to mention his own experiments.

Which is probably a bad idea. Because that’s not really how science works. But also whatever this is, it is technically new territory. After all, the lightning that struck him wasn’t  _ normal _ .

Besides, he’s made a life around not telling people his past. He doesn’t want to change that by revealing a very illegal lab heist and highly dangerous self-experimentation. Also, the STAR labs team don’t actually ask. As soon as he shows them his hands moving inhumanly fast, they get to moving to somewhere he can really run.

Felicity is going to kill him, Barry thinks as he looks back to the three. Then he takes a deep breath and starts running anyway.

He forgot how good this felt. The wind in his hair, the energy in his feet. Barry can’t help but shout as he runs further and further, faster and faster.

This, this can prove his dad is innocent.

The thought is sobering, killing his excitement immediately and bringing him back to that night. To the man in yellow. He shakes his head, he clears his thoughts.

But not in time to stop.

Barry slams into the water barrels at the end of the track and the pain is almost unbearable. He makes the mistake of looking down, sees the bone and the blood and immediately looks away again.

Barry owes Felicity another apology.

* * *

“It looks like you had a distal radius fracture.” Caitlin says, showing him a photo of the xray she took at the track. Prototype technology, actually helpful sometimes.

“Had?” Barry asks, even though he knows it’s already gone. He’s broken his wrist before, that pain doesn’t fade this quickly.

“It’s completely healed, in three hours.” Caitlin confirms.

“How is that even possible?” Barry frowns. The tests before had never healed his bones. But then, the tests before had never lasted three hours.

“We don’t know. Yet.” Caitlin admits.

“You really need to learn how to stop.” Cisco says. If Barry didn’t understand the thrill of proving the impossible, he’d be concerned at how giddy the other man seems.

“What happened today?” Doctor Wells asks. “You were running well and then… something happened. It looked like you got into your own head.” Barry sighs and then tells a story he’s told a thousand times before. 

But this time, for the first time, he  _ knows  _ they’ll believe him.

* * *

For the second time since he woke up, Barry goes to Iris before Felicity. It’s dumb, he knows it’s dumb. Felicity is his best friend, no matter how secretive they are. But… but it’s different. 

How does he explain this to her? 

Felicity made him promise he’d stop. Until he knew it was safe. 

He wasn’t testing on himself, but he still had those chemicals. He probably got drenched in them. Can he look her in the eye and say his coma had nothing to do with that? The lightning wasn’t  _ just _ lightning but… but well, Barry’s not sure how his speed became permanent.

There are none of those hurdles with Iris. With her he can clear his head, get his thoughts straight before he talks to Felicity.

Well, he wasn’t expecting to find her and Eddie kissing. He wasn’t expecting the dread on her face when she turned to look at him. Taking a deep breath, trying to keep his calm, Barry turns away.

“Barry wait!” Iris calls.

“No, uh, don’t stop on my account. I’ll just, head home.” Barry calls without looking back.

Nine months is a lot of time.

He thought he had more time than this. Time to tell Iris about his schoolyard crush, time to tell her how quickly it came back. 

Time to try and move on from Len.

God, he’s so stupid. Of course he wouldn’t have time. He’s Barry Allen. In all his twenty-five years, when has he ever had time?

Twenty-six. 

His twenty-six years. Nine months. 

“Barry.” Iris catches up, grabbing his arm to stop him. “Look, just hear me out.”

“You don’t, you don’t have to explain yourself to me Iris. You can date whoever you want.” Barry says, hoping he doesn’t sound as hurt as he feels. 

“It’s not like that.” Iris argues. “There just wasn’t a good time to tell you.”

“Is that it?” Barry says, managing half a laugh. “I mean, you look like you just got caught with your hand in the cookie jar.” Sighing, Iris drops his arm.

“Eddie’s my dad’s partner.” She reminds. “He’s not going to be happy about this.”

“Well I’m not your dad.” Barry points out. “Why don’t I get to know?”

“You’re not but your… your family.” Iris says. She looks back to Eddie’s table but he’s gone, maybe that’s what she’s checking. “I mean, if I tell my family it seems so much more… real, you know?” It’s almost a whisper, the way she says it, and Barry sighs. Now he  _ can’t _ stay mad at her.

“I get it.” He says. “So, what made you change your mind about Officer Pretty Boy, huh?” He prompts. Grinning, Iris grabs his arm again and they start walking.

She looks… really happy, while she’s telling him how it all started.

* * *

Seeing Mardon… seeing what he can do... 

It shatters the fragile ground Barry has been building.

But that, he thinks, is less Mardon’s fault than it is Joe’s. Joe who never takes the time to believe him. Not about his father, not about his aunt, and definitely not about Mardon.

“You need to start seeing things for how they are Barry, you’re not a kid anymore.” Joe snaps, as Iris glares and officers pretend not to eavesdrop. Taking a step back, Barry narrows his lips and hopes he’s not shaking. Joe’s never raised a fist against him, but his voice is angry and his shoulders are tight. Barry can’t help but expect the worst.

“I don’t know what I was expecting.” Barry says, quiet and calm. “You’ve never believed me, why would you start now?” He walks away before Joe can respond, brushing off Iris’ worried hand, and not noticing when Eddie steps up with the police sketch. 

As soon as he’s sure no one’s watching him, Barry runs.

* * *

Maybe it’s him, Barry thinks after leaving STAR labs. Maybe he’s the one that’s wrong. Everyone else seems to be in agreement after all - whatever’s going on, it’s not Barry’s place to get involved.

Of course it’s not. It’s never been. 

And why should it be? Barry’s never been able to help anyone. Not his mum, not his dad, definitely not himself. 

Not Felicity either, a ghost in her own home.

Or Lisa, eight and aiding a robbery because how could she possibly know better?

Not Len. Radio-silent Len.

Barry never even tried to track him down. For all he knows Len died that night when he stopped replying. Barry  _ never checked _ .

The others are right. 

Barry skids to a stop as his jacket starts burning. He shoves it off and then takes a deep breath, finally looking around at where he’s run too.

Starling City.

Opps. Apparently even his subconscious is telling him he should talk to Felicity.

Too bad for his subconscious that he spots Oliver first, standing atop a building. Well… this really does seem more like a superhero-type question than a best friend question, right?

It has nothing to do the guilt Barry’s suddenly remembering, tied so tight to Felicity and all the ways he’s failed her. Her mum, her house. Cooper.

* * *

By the time they’ve finished talking, Barry feels ready. His head feels clear for the first time since he woke up and Barry knows what he wants to do. What he has too.

With a clear head, he also remembers that this is the chance he’s been waiting for.

“Thanks for everything.” He says. “But uh, can we keep this between us for now?”

“You mean you don’t want me to tell Felicity.” Oliver rephrases, raising an eyebrow beneath the mask that Barry gave him. “Why not?”

“Well, you know, I’m still settling into my own as a hero. Secret identities are important, right?” He answers with a shrug. A more accurate answer would be: Payback. Barry’s not quite over the fact that Felicity  _ didn’t tell him she knew the Arrow _ . Which, just, rude.

A more honest answer would be the sight of Oliver, lying on a table and dying. How can Barry let Felicity worry about him like that?

“Your secret’s safe with me.” Oliver assures.

“Thanks Ollie.” Barry grins, then tries not to gape as he watches Oliver grapple onto a nearby building. He can definitely see what Felicity has a thing for Oliver. “So cool.” He mutters, giving Oliver a wave and turning to run back to Central City.

“Cool.” Oliver grins at his retreating form before clearing his throat. “Do you think he realizes you heard all that?” He asks.

“Definitely not.” Felicity says from the other end of his coms. “He hasn’t even told me he’s awake.” She adds, frowning.

“Sounds like he was going through a lot.” Oliver offers. “I’m sure he’ll call you soon.”

“He’d better.” Felicity huffs through the coms. It’s a little odd, Oliver thinks, since they only knew each other a few days before lightning struck. But well, they did hit it off really well.

* * *

Running around that tornado, painfully aware of the dangerous man that made it, Barry thinks he should be terrified. If he can’t do this, Central City is doomed.

But he’s not afraid. 

His mum once said, a long time ago, that Barry wasn’t afraid of the dark. He was afraid of being alone. Well, Barry’s not alone. He has Cisco, and Caitlin, and even Wells. They’re relying on him, but more importantly they trust him. They trust that he can do this.

Barry’s not afraid, because he knows he’s going to prove them right.

* * *

There’s no time to talk after Joe shoots Mardon, there’s too much work to do. But Barry knows that’s not going to get him out of the conversation. One pointed look and a text message, just in case, has Barry meeting Joe at the office. The suit is back at STAR labs. Joe’s paperwork is on Singh’s desk.

“Coffee?” Barry offers as Joe steps outside. 

“When did this happen?” Joe asks, as he takes the coffee. “Was it the lightning?”

“More of less.” Barry shrugs.

“I’m sorry.” Joe mutters. Barry sips at his coffee to avoid replying and Joe keeps going. “God Bar, I called you crazy this afternoon. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Barry mutters, shrugging again. “Not the first person too.”

“But I never should have.” Joe claims. “I should have listened to you kid. I should have fought harder. You really did see something that night, and your dad’s innocent.” Barry doesn’t say anything. What can he say ‘yeah, he is’? ‘I told you so’?

“We’re going to get him out of Iron Heights, we’ll figure this out.” Joe declares. “But Barry, I need you to promise me something?”

“Anything.” Barry assures. How can he promise anything less after what Joe just said? 

“You can’t tell Iris about any of this.” Joe orders. “What you did today, that was dangerous. I don’t want  _ you _ getting messed up in it. And I know I can’t stop you, but I can stop her. As long as she doesn’t know.”

“...I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Barry admits, quiet and nervous. “But if that’s what you want, I won’t say anything.”

“Thank you.”

* * *

“Hey Fe.” Barry greets, watching the sky from his balcony. “I’m awake.”

“Oh I heard.” Felicity says. Shutting his eyes, he can just see her unimpressed expression. “Cisco called me yesterday, when you actually woke up.”

“I’m sorry.” Barry offers.

“Why didn’t you call Bar?” Felicity asks, all the fire gone from her voice. “I’ve been so worried about you.”

“I just… nine months is a long time.” He sighs.

“It is.” Felicity agrees when Barry doesn’t continue.

“Last time I saw you, we were picking casinos for our yearly trip.” Barry says. “And now Oliver doesn’t even own his own company anymore and Iris has a boyfriend and STAR Labs blew a hole in the city.”

“It’s been a lot to take in.” Felicity offers.

“Yeah.” Barry sighs. 

“Then talk to me Barry.” Felicity says. “I’ll catch you up, help you think it through.” She offers, so he does.


	2. 2. Fastest Man Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and the next chapter were supposed to be so short. There wasn't meant to be any big differences. They're not nearly as short as I'd thought they'd be.

Maybe, Barry thinks as gunshots ring in the air, maybe it’s not  _ his _ fault that he never got around to telling Iris the truth. Maybe it’s the world conspiring against him. Now it’s only a theory, but it does seem like every time he even  _ thinks _ about telling her, something goes wrong.

Christmas is a prime example. Barry was all ready to tell her how he felt, he’d worked through the possibilities with Felicity while he was in Starling City. But the moment he tried Iris’ bag got stolen, the almost-date was cut short, and Barry ended up in a coma for nine months. Which he woke up from only to find out she was already taken.

Now he’s trying to mention it, if only so he can clear the air and move on. Except not only did he get cut off, now they’re getting robbed at gunpoint.

It’s also worth mentioning that he never got the chance to tell her about his childhood crush for… presumably obvious reasons. 

Really, what takeaway is Barry meant to get other than that fate is conspiring against him?

Well, actually, Barry should really be focusing a little more on the gunpoint robbing than the whims of fate right now. That’s a question for Felicity when there aren’t bad guys to worry about. Which, considering their lives might be a while now that he thinks of it. 

What was he meant to be doing?

Barry stumbles to a stop, trying to clear the fog from his head as he watches a blurry car disappear. He steps wrong, walking more into the railing than forward. 

“Stop.” He mumbles, or at least tries to mumble. The word that he manages isn’t much of a word at all. 

The next time his eyes, the car is well and truly gone. Replaced by Iris’ concerned face.

“What happened?” She asks. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” Barry lies, trying to get his bearings. What was he doing? “I… I went after them,” he remembers, “to try and get the plates.” He quickly adds for Iris’ sake. “I fainted.”

God, he did  _ not  _ miss the fainting. Fainting spells had become a regular side effect of his teenage experiments, especially as he got closer to his goal. Unfortunately part of the reason the solution was never safe enough to retry was because he couldn’t figure out  _ why _ he was fainting in the first place. 

And now it’s back. Yay.

“Come on.” Iris says, helping him to his feet. “Let’s get you inside, the first responders are here. So’s my dad.”

“Oh great, he can kill the both of us for recklessly being in the wrong place at the wrong time.” Barry jokes. Mostly jokes. Either way it gets a laugh out of Iris.

* * *

“How could you  _ not _ tell us you were experiencing dizzy spells? We’re your doctors!” Caitlin fusses when Barry stumbles his way to STAR Labs post-fainting. He’s regretting it already. It’s like being lectured by Joe and Felicity at the same time.

“God knows what’s going on inside your body.” Caitlin continues. “Your cells are in a constant state of flux. You could be experiencing cardiopulmonary failure or a transient ischemic attack.”

“I’m not having a mini-stroke.” Barry assures.

“You don’t know that!” Caitlin argues.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I do.” Barry claims. “They were just dizzy spells Caitlin, I was in a coma for nine months I didn’t think it was that big a deal.”

“It is a huge deal.” Caitlin snaps. “You of all people should know that in science, we share. We do  _ not  _ keep secrets.” 

_ You’re really not making me what to share anything _ , Barry thinks as she walks away. If that’s the lecture he gets for some dizzy spells, he can only imagine how she’d react to knowing he’d sort of already been messing with super speed.

“Wow. I haven’t seen anyone make her that angry since Ronnie.” Cisco says, quickly handing his pad to Dr Wells so he can go after her.

“Ronnie was Caitlin’s fiance?” Barry guesses.

“Yes.” Dr Wells confirms. “He is… missed.”

“Well,” Barry sighs, hanging his head, “now I feel like an ass.” Dr Wells pats his knee in sympathy. 

“Let’s figure out what’s wrong with you.”

* * *

“When I couldn’t find you at your lab, I did some research.”

Today, it seems, is the day for lectures. Joe even has the pointed finger up.

Great.

“Turns out,” Joe continues, “there's been reports of a red streak around the city, stopping muggers, rescuing people from burning buildings. All that stuff people are already being  _ paid _ to do.”

“I’m just, helping out.” Barry says as nonchalantly as he can manage.

“Did you forget that you already  _ have _ a job in law enforcement?” Joe asks. “A job you should be focusing on.”

“Exactly!” Caitlin blurts out, adding “I’m on your side,” when Joe raises an eyebrow at her.

“Detective, we’re all worried about Barry’s safety-” Dr Wells starts but Joe doesn’t let him finish.

“If you cared about his safety you’d talk him out of this lunacy instead of encouraging him to go out there and risk his life!” The detective snaps.

“You saw a man control the weather. What are the police going to do against that?” Barry reminds. “And before you say it, Mardon’s not going to be the only one. Since the accelerator explosion we suspect there’s more like him.”

“And you’re gonna do what? Catch them?” Joe asks, all but scoffing at the idea. “Are you insane? You think because you can run real fast that you’re invincible? You’re not! You’re just a kid. My kid.”

“Excuse me?” Barry snaps, clenching his fists to stop them from shaking. “Your kid? Exactly when did that happen? As I recall, you sent my father to prison for a crime he  _ didn’t commit _ and then sent me to LA. I was a kid back then, I couldn’t do  _ anything _ back then. But things are different now, and if I can save someone from a burning building or stop some armed thieves I’m gonna do it. And you can’t stop me Joe. I’m not Iris, and I’m not going to let you treat me like glass like you treat her.”

The room is silent when he’s done. Joe stares at him, his lips pressed tight together and his eyes wet. Barry almost wants to scoff himself. What right does Joe have to be mad? He’s the one that sent Barry away, that didn’t  _ believe _ Barry. 

“You think you’re so tough.” Joe manages before looking around the room. “That you’re all smarter than the rest of us, huh? Well you don’t know what you don’t know. You won’t until it’s right in front of your face. And when it is, I hope to god you’re clever enough,  _ fast _ enough to figure it out before someone gets hurt.”

He leaves the lab without looking back but the silence remains. Barry shuts his eyes, fighting back tears and trying to pretend the others aren’t staring at him.

“I, uh,” Cisco tries to break the silence before clearing his throat, “I didn’t know you grew up in LA.”

“Can we not talk about it?” Barry asks, all the fight draining out of his body.

“Right.” Cisco agrees. “Right that’s probably a good idea. I uh, I’m going to get you a glass of orange juice. That’s good for blood sugar, right?”

“Good idea.” Dr Wells nods. “I’ve got something I should check on. But don’t forget Barry, you can talk to me anytime.”

“Thanks Dr Wells.” Barry says, forcing a smile as the scientist leaves the room. “I just lectured in front of my childhood hero. Great.” He realizes with a sigh once the doctor’s out of ear shot.

“Just wait until you get lectured by him.” Caitlin says and then winces. “That wasn’t the right thing to say, was it? I’m sorry. I’m sorry about earlier too. I wasn’t that bad, was I?”

“Little bit.” Barry admits.

“I wasn’t meaning to lecture you.” Caitlin says. “I’m just… worried about you Barry. I’m worried you’re getting in over your head.”

“That’s what I’ve got Cisco for.” Barry points out. “To make sure I don’t.”

“That is true. It is my primary role as the eyes, ears, and  _ brains _ .” Cisco confirms, returning with the glass of orange juice.

“I thought you were just the eyes and ears.” Caitlin teases.

“It’s a growing job description.” Cisco claims. “I could definitely use some help with the workload.” He adds, nudging her shoulder.

“I still don’t agree that it’s safe.” Caitlin states plainly. “But it seems really important to you, so I’ll think about it.” She gives.

“Yes! Dream team activate!” Cisco cheers.

“That wasn’t a yes!”

* * *

“Hey.” Joe greets, taking the seat next to Barry. It’s not really a seat, just the step in the main room at STAR Labs. Cisco and Caitlin had checked him over before, after a not so subtle look, leaving Barry and Joe alone. Dr Wells had wandered off a while ago.

“Hey.” Barry returns, not looking over to the man.

“How you holding up?” Joe asks.

“I’m fine.” Barry claims, half mumbling into the mug of hot chocolate Cisco had given him. He’s pretty sure it’s more mini marshmallows than hot chocolate, but it’s nice.

“Of course you are.” Joe hums. “That’s why Caitlin gave you the shock blanket.”

“Comfy blanket.” Barry’s fully mumbling now, and trying to count exactly how many mini marshmallows are in the cup. There’s definitely a mathematical formula to prove that the drink is more marshmallow than hot chocolate.

“It’s okay to not be okay.” Joe assures. “What you saw tonight would be traumatic for anyone.”

“It shouldn’t have  _ been _ traumatic.” Barry argues. “I should have saved him.”

“You can’t save everyone.” Joe says. “If you try, you’ll just tear yourself apart.”

“No, a normal person can’t save everyone.” Barry claims. “But I’m not normal. I have to do  _ better _ .”

“No, you don’t.” Joe stresses. “Barry, you’re still human. Having super speed doesn’t change that. Humans aren’t perfect, and we aren’t gods. There are some things we can’t change, no matter how fast we are.” Barry doesn’t have an argument for that, but he doesn’t agree either. When Barry says nothing, Joe sighs.

“This is what I was worried about.” The detective continues. “I know you aren’t out there because you think you’re bulletproof. You’re not that kind of kid. I know that, even if you’re not  _ my  _ kid.” He says, adding the last sentence almost like an afterthought. “You have the biggest heart of anyone I know, Bar, and one covered in the most scars. I feared that doing this hero thing, it’d just add to those scars. 

“Now I get that you’d care whether you were sitting in the crime lab or speeding to the scene. No one can stop you. Not me and not the bad guys. But you have to understand that you’re doing your best out there, you can’t demand more of yourself than that.” Barry gives up on counting marshmallows, instead turning his head to bury it in Joe’s shoulder. Joe carefully takes the mug from his hands and pulls Barry into a proper hug, patting his hair as Barry sobs and tries to forget the sight of Black falling to his death.

“I’m sorry.” Barry eventually says, when he’s run out of tears.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, Bar.” Joe assures. “I told you, it’s okay to not be okay.”

“Not about this.” Barry clarifies. “I’m sorry about before. About saying I wasn’t your kid.”

“I know you’re not my kid.” Joe sighs. “I know I failed you pretty badly, but I’m going to make it up to you.”

“I don’t know.” Barry sniffles, pulling away enough to smile at Joe. “I mean, you dropped me off at college. Even though you hadn’t seen me in years, and my train was almost an hour late. You took me out to celebrate for the littlest things.”

“Getting the best grades in your class is not little.” Joe argues, words just making Barry’s smile easier.

“You taught me to drive, and you gave me a place to live when I needed it, and all the support I could hope for.” Barry continues. “I don’t think there’s anything you need to make up for Joe.”

“Your dad would have done better.” Joe claims, quiet.

“Maybe.” Barry accepts. “But he’s my dad, he would have had to do that stuff. You didn’t, and I can’t count how many times I thought ‘this is what dad would have done’. So thanks Joe, for being there.”

“I’ll always be there Barry, I promise.” Joe says, pulling him back into a tight hug.

* * *

“Are you going to lecture me too?” Barry asks as he picks up the phone late at night.

“Should I?” Felicity responds. “What did you do Barry Allen?”

“I’m not going to self-incriminate that easily.” Barry chuckles. “What’s up Fe?”

“I just… wanted to hear your voice.” Felicity says. “It’s nice knowing I can, you know.”

“I don’t.” Barry admits. “And I honestly hope I never do.”

“Me too.” Felicity sighs. “So Barry, tell me how your day’s been. You’ve got nine months of daily texts to catch up with you know.” She teases, making Barry laugh.

He doesn’t tell her about Black, or the fight with Joe. Doesn’t mention fainting, or how obvious his fainting seems in retrospect. Some part of Barry is tempted to, he’s just so used to telling Felicity everything. But she’s spent the last nine months worrying about him, it doesn’t seem fair to make her worry all the more.

Besides, payback, right?

“So, I think the universe is conspiring against me and Iris.” He tells her instead and when Felicity’s calmed down enough to ask why, he explains (without mentioning the armed robbery).

“You know, I’d say the universe is telling you to move on.” She says.

“That’s  _ why _ I want to tell her.” Barry argues. “She seems happy with Eddie and that’s all I want from her. But how am I meant to move on when she doesn’t even know?”

“Well then maybe the universe is telling you you aren’t ready to move on.” Felicity offers.

“I just said I was.” Barry points out.

“Saying is a lot different from believing Barry Bear.” Felicity claims. “I mean, you’ll probably tell me you're over Len.”

“...”

“That was years ago.” Barry eventually manages, finding he can’t quite say the words.

“It was.” Felicity agrees. “But when you love, Barry Allen, you love with everything you are. That kind of love lasts a long time.”

“That doesn’t help me get over Iris.” Barry sighs, getting another good-natured laugh from his friend.

“What I’m saying is, don’t force it, okay? Seems to me you’re trying to move on because you think you should, not because you actually want to, and the universe knows it. Give yourself some time, there’s no rush.” Felicity explains.

“You’re probably right.” Barry accepts. It’s a freeing feeling, the thought that he doesn’t  _ have _ to be ready to move on just because Iris is dating Eddie. 

“I’m always right.” Felicity claims. “And I give the best advice. Really, I don’t know why you’d go to anyone else.”

“Me neither.” Barry chuckles.


	3. 3. Things You Can't Outrun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was literally meant to be about redesigning how the metahuman prison works, because I had _thoughts_
> 
> I don't know how it ended up this long

Groaning, Barry puts ‘almost died to get a sample of a metahuman’ on the list of things to never tell Felicity. Or Iris. Or Joe. 

“The streak lives.” Cisco greets.

“You’d be dead if your lung cells didn’t regenerate so quickly.” Caitlin tells him, looking very unimpressed.

“My chest feels like that one time I had a cigarette.” Barry says. He’d been thirteen at the time and spending the night in the security room, George had thought it was about time he ‘grew some hair on his chest’. Barry had immediately regretted trying and vowed never to do it again, and then been a little jealous when Felicity had no such trouble. 

“That one time?” Cisco repeats, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, teen me lived for danger.” If his chest didn’t hurt so much, Barry would be laughing at his own joke. Cigarettes were a no from teenage him but he’s pretty sure that alcohol, the occasional explosion, and regularly getting his hands on controlled substances (through one heist and several foraged documents) probably still counted.

“This isn’t funny.” Caitlin argues. “You could have-”

“But I didn’t.” Barry cuts in before she can finish that sentence. “And now we have a sample.”

“Which we can analyse to get a make-up of the poison. Maybe get a clue as to who this meta is. Or at least a way to stop him turning into mist.” Dr Wells says. At least someone understands what he was trying to do.

“The Mist!” Cisco exclaims. “Okay, that’s definitely his name!”

“Really Cisco? Is now really the time for that?” Caitlin scolds, frowning all the more when Cisco shrugs.

“I have to get back to the station.” Barry says, trying not to wince as he sits up.

“No, you have to  _ rest _ .” Caitlin orders.

“I have to talk to Joe.” Barry argues. For a moment Caitlin holds his gaze then, with a huff, she storms off. Sighing, Barry removes himself from the bed. He’ll apologize to her later.

* * *

_ “This isn’t your fault Barry. Like I told you before, you can’t save everyone.” _ Joe’s words are still ringing in his head even as Barry returns to STAR Labs. Knowing Joe’s right and believing those words are two very different things and Barry’s not sure he’ll ever manage the second.

Sitting next to Caitlin, he wonders if maybe she’s in the same boat. Knowing, every time he lays on that table, that she can’t save everyone. Believing, every time she remembers Ronnie, that she  _ should  _ have saved everyone.

Does it make him a bad person? Knowing how she must feel, and knowing that won’t stop him next time he has to run into danger.

“I’m sorry.” Barry offers after a moment of silent contemplation. “I didn’t mean to scare you, running off like that. Or coming back like that.”

“I get it. You had to.” Caitlin sighs. “It’s just… that’s the last thing Ronnie said to me that night. ‘I have to go’.”

“The last thing my mum ever did was tell me to run.” Barry says. “So I did. And I thought if I just ran far enough it’d stop hurting.” 

“Does it?” Caitlin asks. The same way Felicity asked once, when her days were filled with thoughts of Cooper.

“Some days.” Barry admits, the same thing he told Felicity back then. “Some days thinking about her doesn’t hurt at all. And some days the pain… it’s worse than the day it happened. Some days it hurts so much that I can’t move. There are just some things you can’t outrun, I guess. But I think there are sometimes you don’t have too.”

“For so long I’ve been too scared to go back down into that hole.” Caitlin says. 

“What if I went with you?” Barry offers. 

They walk down in silence. Caitlin’s eyes are wet, her expression distant. It’s a familiar look to Barry. When they finally reach the gate, Caitlin can only make it a few steps into the room. Barry doesn't push her, he just waits.

“He saved so many lives that day.” Caitlin eventually manages. “And no one will ever know.” Barry walks up to her.

“We do.” Barry says, drawing her attention away from the accelerator. “He was a hero.”

“I didn’t want him to be a hero.” Caitlin says, voice tight as she tries to keep some semblance of control over her sadness. “I wanted him to be my husband.” Knowing he can’t say anything that will make this better, Barry pulls her into a hug and holds her until Cisco calls them up to the main room.

* * *

Hospital chairs are not the best thing to sleep in. Does superhealing help sore necks? Because Barry really hopes it fixes sore necks.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you sleep.” Joe comments as Barry opens his eyes, making Barry completely forget about his sore neck.

“Saving you is exhausting.” He teases, getting out of the chair to approach Joe.

“I will ground you, twenty-six or not.” Joe warns.

“I’d like to see you try.” Barry laughs, squeezing Joe’s hand. He trusted the STAR Labs antidote, of course he did, but it’s still very relieving to see Joe awake. “So… I didn’t know you were visiting my dad.” 

“I have been.” Joe confirms and then just, doesn’t continue, like he doesn’t know that doesn’t answer  _ any _ of Barry’s questions.

“Why? Since when?” Barry prods when he realizes Joe’s really just going to leave it at that.

“I thought you’d be happy I’m visiting him, you’ve always wanted us to get along.” Joe continues to deflect, smirking in a way that proves he knows  _ exactly _ what he’s doing.

“Jerk.” Barry huffs, rolling his eyes when Joe laughs.

“We’ve also kept up, for your sake.” Joe admits. “Can’t say they were very common, or very pleasant visits. But after your accident I started seeing him weekly, to keep him up to date on how you were doing.”

“Oh.” Barry says, surprised. “Thanks.”

“He’s your dad, he deserves to know.” Joe shrugs. “I went tonight to tell him that I’m reopening Nora’s case.”

“I told him we were working on that.” Barry sighs. “Dad thinks I should move on.”

“That’s why I figured I should mention it.” Joe says. “He’s not wrong though Barry.”

“Not you too.” Barry groans. “How can I sit there and do nothing when we finally have the proof that Dad’s innocent?”

“That’s not what either of us mean.” Joe argues, shaking his head. “But your life has revolved around this case ever since you got back to central. Probably longer. It’s literally why you became a CSI.”

“Hey! I make a great CSI!” If he didn’t, Captain Singh definitely would have fired him by now.

“You are.” Joe assures. “But if you’re really hellbent on this streak stuff then at least promise me it won’t all be work. I don’t want your life to be The Streak, your dad, and work. There’s got to be some you time in there Barry.”

“Are you telling me I can only keep being a superhero if I make friends?” Barry rephrases, grinning. 

“Yeah, I am.” Joe doubles down, still at least half-serious. “Caitlin and Cisco seem nice enough, you’d better be spending some off-hours with those two as well Bar. Go to a bar or something, live your life.” He orders.

“I’ll keep it in mind.” Barry says around a laugh.

“Daddy.” Iris rushes into the room, rushing over to hug her father tight, making the man wince. “Sorry.” Iris says, loosening up but not letting go.

“I’m fine baby.” Joe assures, wrapping his free arm around her. “Partner.” He greets, nodding to Eddie behind her.

“Good to see you’re still alive.” Eddie nods back.

“You two arrive at the same time?” Joe asks as Iris fully pulls away. The two secretive long birds share a look and Barry gets the distinct impression he should give the three some privacy. Except when he raises an eyebrow at Iris she shakes her head. Well, he’s not opposed to watching this trainwreck of a conversation happen. 

“Dad,” Iris starts, taking a deep breath, “we have something to tell you. The thing is...” She trails off, clearly having trouble saying the word. 

Joe has no such trouble.

“You’re dating, I know.” He says, shocking Iris and Eddie into silence and Barry into laughter.

“You do?” Iris clarifies. “Barry!”

“Don’t look at me, I didn’t tell him.” Barry defends, raising his hands.

“I’m a detective, and you’re both terrible liars.” Joe claims, looking a little offended.

“Are you mad?” Iris asks, hesitantly. 

“Oh I’m furious. If the doctor hadn’t taken my gun we would be having a very different conversation.” Joe claims.

“Don’t worry, he wouldn’t actually shoot you.” Barry assures Eddie when he sees the man gulp. “Too much paperwork.”

“That’s a relief.” Eddie says, only half-sarcastically. He gulps again at the look Joe sends his way. “I’m going to let you talk. If you need me I’ll be in the hall, calling witness protection.” He says, walking backwards out of the room as fast as he dares.

“Dad.” Iris frowns. “You can’t threaten to shoot my boyfriend anymore, I’m a grown woman.”

“Or threaten to arrest them.” Barry chimes in. 

“Oh I’m going to do that the rest of my life. If either of your partners are too scared of a gun to date you, they aren’t worth your time.” Joe claims.

“But Dad, I really like this one.” Iris argues. 

“You say that every time.” Joe points out.

“It’s different this time.” Iris pleads. Father and daughter hold each other’s gaze for a moment then Joe relents, sighing.

“This is going to be complicated Iris.” He says. “You know I hate complicated.”

“I’m sorry.” Iris offers.

“As long as he makes you happy,” Joe relents, “then I will  _ try _ not to shoot him. Or arrest him”

“That is all I ask.” Iris smiles, leaning in to hug Joe again.

“Well,” Barry says when they leave Joe to rest for the night, “that went surprisingly well.”

“Just you wait until you’re dating someone Bar.” Iris warns. “He’ll give you the same grief.”

“I doubt that.” Barry jokes.

“I don’t.” Eddie says, as he rests his arm over Iris’ shoulders. “Joe really seems to think of you like a son.” There’s something different about an outsider saying it, different from Joe or Iris. It makes Barry’s heart flutter a bit, makes it feel a little bit more real.

“Come on,” Barry says, clearing his throat, “let’s go get ‘you survived meeting the father’ ice-creams.”

Sitting down in the dinner booth, watching Iris and Eddie, Barry thinks he really can let go of her. Even if he never tells her how he feels. Iris will always matter to him, but he thinks he’s just as happy watching her  _ be  _ happy, as he would be being the source of that happiness. 

Yeah, Barry thinks with a nod, he can let her go.

* * *

Barry visits his dad as soon as he’s able, smiling through the glass as his father takes a seat.

“Hey slugger.” His dad greets, like he always greets, and Barry pretends his eye rolling isn’t fond.

“Hey dad.” He returns. “Joe’s going to be okay.”

“That’s good to hear.” Henry smiles.

“I never thought you two got along.” Barry admits. 

“We didn’t.” Henry agrees. “But… well it’s almost like he’s my ex.” 

“What?” Barry manages through the sudden laughter, laughing all the harder when Henry nods with a serious expression.

“It’s like he’s my ex-husband and we share custody of you.” Henry goes on. “I don’t like him, but I respect him as your other father.” 

“Oh my god.” Is all Barry can say for a solid minute as he imagines that. 

“It’s good to see you laugh.” Henry comments when Barry finally calms down. “You’ve been so serious since… well, since you were eleven really. You grew up too early.”

“Yeah, yeah I did.” Barry sighs, looking down at the table. He doesn’t think he can say this next part while looking at his dad. “But… lately I’ve been thinking. I don’t think this was all bad.”

“Yeah?” His dad prompts.

“Yeah. I met some great people in LA, and I don’t think I’d know Joe so well, or Cisco and Caitlin at all.” Barry says, his hand suddenly very interesting. “Things weren’t perfect, at any point. But…”

“I get it.” Henry assures.

“And you’re not mad?” Barry asks, daring a glance to see his father smiling.

“No.” Henry promises, drawing out the word with a shake of his head. “Barry, all I’ve ever wanted is for you to move on. To live your life. Why would I be mad?”

“I think I’m finally ready to do that. Living life seems pretty good.” Barry smiles, raising his hand to the glass. “And as soon as Joe and I clear your name, catch the guy that really hurt mum, I think it’ll be perfect.” Henry returns his smile, raising his hand on the other side of the glass.

“Seeing the man you’ve grown into, it already is.”

* * *

“Big belly burger?” Barry offers, holding out the bag.

“A last meal?” Kyle guesses. He’s given up trying to escape the cell, staying solid as he stares Barry down through the glass.

“No. No, definitely not.” Barry assures. “I mean, even if I agreed with the death sentence, which I don’t, we aren’t the people to be doing that.”

“But you are the people to play prison warden?” Kyle asks.

“Because we have to. None of us are happy about it either.” Barry says. “But you’ve used your powers to hurt people, and we’re the only ones capable of containing them. As soon as we can separate you from your powers, you’re free to go.” 

“And you expect me to believe that?” Kyle scoffs. 

“You don’t have to.” Barry shrugs. “You don’t have to agree with us either.”

“I’ll kill you when I get out.” Kyle threatens. 

“Okay.” Barry accepts. “Until then I’m going to keep bringing you breakfast. Cisco’s doing lunch I think, and Caitlin dinner. We’ve got some other ideas on how we can make this whole space more livable, but if you’ve got any suggestions or requests let us know.” 

Kyle doesn’t respond, silent as Barry activates Cisco’s new invention. A small containment field, to ensure that Kyle can’t turn into gas as Barry slides his food through the smaller magnetic door in the main one. Of course it means Barry can’t use his speed to defend himself either, but thankfully Kyle doesn’t try anything either.

“Why are you doing this?” Kyle eventually asks, as Barry sits down to eat himself. “Trying to trick me into trusting you?”

“No.” Barry says. “Like I said, you don’t have to agree with us. You definitely don’t have to like us. We don’t particularly like or agree with you and the way you murdered two people this week.” 

“Then why?” Kyle demands. Barry hesitates a moment then decides to be as honest as possible.

“My dad’s in Iron Heights.” He says. “I never thought I’d actually be in charge of a prison, but I thought a lot about how I wouldn’t run things like Iron Heights. Solitary confinement has always been number one on my list of things to never put someone through.” They don’t talk much more than that, but Kyle does start eating his food. 

Later, at lunch, Cisco  _ does  _ get him to talk. Apparently Kyle thinks Cisco’s pop-culture based view of hitmen is hilarious.


	4. 4. Going Rogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND FINALLY LEN ARRIVES
> 
> This whole point of this entire goddamn 16K of words was the last scene in this chapter (okay it's not the whole point but its the scene i really wanted to write)

“Leonard Snart.” 

If Barry had a drink, he’d choke.

“Lenoard?” He repeats, hoping his shock isn’t obvious. God. How could he not have recognized him? It’s been about a decade, but  _ still _ . Barry should have least read the name beneath the mug shot before handing it back to Joe.

“Snart’s father was a cop, a bad cop. Took his anger out on his kids until he went to prison.” Joe explains, words going in one ear and out the other. Barry’s still a bit too stuck on that having been  _ Len _ to listen to things he already knows. “Barry? You listening?”

“I’m listening.” Barry quickly claims, clearing his throat. “You said his dad’s in prison? We should start a club.”

“Very funny.” Joe says, rolling his eyes. “He shows up every six months and cases a job for weeks before he makes his move. Then he does the job, gets away. I’m surprised we even have a mugshot of the guy.”

“Every six months?” Barry repeats. “Why haven’t I heard of him before?”

“He’s usually non-violent, rarely any murder. Singh leaves you on whatever case you can actually help with.” Joe says. “Besides, half the time he strikes elites that hire their own guys to track Snart down. Doesn’t seem to have worked for them so far.”

“Doesn’t seem like the police have had any luck either.” Barry mumbles, having exactly no idea how to feel about that. 

“Coffee break!” Iris chimes in, stepping in behind them. “Thought I would bring Central City’s first java to Central City’s finest.” She adds, holding out the tray.

“Thanks, I’m off caffeine.” Joe claims, voice monotone as he walks off.

“My dad’s been mad at me ever since I told him about me and Eddie.” Iris explains as Barry takes one of the cups.

“I thought he said he was okay with it? You know, in his own Joe way.” Barry says.

“I thought so too.” Iris sighs, leading the way towards Barry’s lab.

“Maybe he’s mad you didn’t tell him?” Barry offers.

“Don’t tell me you’re taking his side.” Iris huffs. “Argh, I just hate how he does the whole ‘I’m not talking to you but I have a whole bag of judgemental looks I’m going to try on you later’ thing.” 

“Yeah, I still remember how bad he got when I told him I was studying criminal investigation.” Barry winces. “He didn’t stop until I swore I was only becoming a CSI.”

“Well I don’t know what he’s expecting  _ me  _ to do.” Iris frowns, then she breathes out the annoyance and forces a smile. “Anyway speaking of communication, or lack there of, all these journalism classes gave me an idea.”

“Really?” 

“I’m going to start a blog.” Iris says, proudly.

“About what? Your brownie obsession? Because you really shouldn’t tell people about that.” Barry teases, smiling behind his coffee when Iris glares.

“No, something important.” Iris claims. “Something Central City needs to know about.”

“Well you’ve got the suspense down.” Barry says. “What is it?”

“The Streak.” Iris grins, completely unaware of the ice that runs down Barry’s spine. “He’s out there Barry, rumor has it he stopped an armoured car robbery earlier.”

“Huh.” Is all Barry can manage, his internal monologue a wordless screaming.

“I was hoping that I could look at the file, maybe.” Iris says, with her best puppy dog eyes, and this at least is something that Barry can handle.

“You know I’m not at liberty to discuss an ongoing police investigation with you.” He reminds.

“Since when, Mr Blabbermouth.” Iris huffs, all trace of puppy dog eyes gone.

“Since you actually have invested interest in this one.” He claims. “Besides, take it from someone who's been trying to prove the impossible since he was eleven - blogging about this stuff is just going to bring the crazies to your door.”

“My blog is anonymous.” Iris argues, like that changes anything.

“Anonymous or not, it’s not safe. You never know what weirdos are out there, trolling on the internet.” Barry says, rather than start a conversation about how very un-anonymous everything on the internet is. He’s barely recovered from that shot of paranoia as is. 

“I can vouch for that.” A voice calls as they reach his lab. “The internet is full of weirdos. And nerd rage. Lots and lots of nerd rage.” Felicity stands in his lab, smiling, the first time he’s seen her in weeks.  Ten months.

And all Barry can feel is dread as he’s suddenly reminded that the big criminal of the week is  _ Len _ .

Felicity raises an eyebrow as they draw closer, clearly noticing that something’s wrong. The silence stretches just a moment too long before she suddenly turns to Iris.

“Hi. Felicity Smoak.” She introduces.

“Iris West.” Iris returns, shaking her hand.

“Right.” Barry clears his throat, springing to action. “Uh, Felicity is-”

“The girl you meet in Starling City.” Iris finishes for him. “Tech Support, right?”

“That’s the one.” Felicity confirms. “She messaged me while you were in the hospital.” She adds, for Barry’s sake.

“We never managed to meet when we checked up on you.” Iris says. “Bad luck, mostly.”

“My schedule’s a nightmare.” Felicity says. “CEO’s am I right?”

“We have no idea. You are literally the only person I know who’s worked with two of them.” Barry teases.

“So the lightning came through here?” Felicity asks, quickly and pointedly changing the subject.

* * *

“Did I… interrupt something?” Felicity asks later, after they’ve left the precinct for the day. 

“What? No, of course not. Why would you think that?” Barry frowns, turning to look at the tight expression on Felicity’s face.

“You didn’t exactly look happy to see me Bar.” She says, shrugging as nonchalantly as possible

“Oh right, that.” Barry sighs. “Sorry… it’s just, there was an attempted robbery this morning.” 

“Yeah?” Felicity prompts when he pauses.

“It was Len.” He says. “Apparently he does a job every six months or so.”

“Oh.” Felicity says. “Wow. How, I mean do you  _ know _ it’s him?” She asks.

“I didn’t recognize him, but I saw his face and picked him out of a set of mugshots.” Barry explains. “Apparently his dad’s in prison.”

“Well there’s that at least.” Felicity mumbles.

“I have no idea what I’m going to do here.” Barry sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I mean, no one even knows I know him and I  _ definitely _ can’t explain that.”

“Not if you want to keep your job.” Felicity agrees. “Are you going to tell him?”

“Tell him what?” Barry frowns. 

“About the…” Felicity looks around then runs on the spot, “you know.” She gestures. 

“ _ You _ know?!” Barry shouts, before quickly starting to whisper as people start looking at them. “When did you find out? Did Oliver tell you?”

“Right, I forgot about that.” Felicity mumbles. “I sort of, maybe, overheard you two talking on the roof?” She admits.

“You’ve known the whole time?!” Barry hisses. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why didn’t  _ you _ say anything?” Felicity returns the question, pointing at him for good measure.

“You didn’t tell me you knew the Arrow.” Barry accuses.

“Yeah that’s what I thought it was.” Felicity says, dropping the annoyance immediately. “I thought I’d let you feel like we were even for a bit.”

“Now I just feel double cheated.” Barry huffs, narrowing his eyes when Felicity doesn’t look the least bit sorry. Then her face gets serious.

“Are you sure it’s safe Barry?” She asks. “I mean, last time you got wrapped up in all this…”

“It’s safe.” Barry promises. “It’s… It’s permanent.”

“How?” Felicity frowns.

“I’m not… really sure?” Barry admits, rubbing the back of his neck. “It might have something to do with the lightning, or the particle accelerator.”

“What did the particle accelerator have to do with this?” Felicity asks, frowning deeper.

“It’s probably better if I just show you.” Barry decides.

* * *

By the time they actually get to STAR Labs, Barry’s talked Felicity’s worry into something closer to excitement, making his tour a lot more fun.

“We can track anything that's happening within the city. Check this out, we've got our own satellite.” Barry grins, bringing Felicity into the central room of the lab. 

“I know, I’ve hacked into it a few times.” Felicity grins, turning in a circle to get a better look of the room.

“Okay, rude but also I’m admittedly a little impressed.” Cisco notes, he and Caitlin stepping away from their projects to come over.

“It is, of course, wonderful to see you again Felicity.” Caitlin greets in an overly cheerful tone, especially for her. “I’m just wondering how much of our operation she needs to know about.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that.” Felicity assures. “I’m great at keeping secrets.”

“Felicity works with the Arrow.” Barry reveals with a grin.

“And you, apparently, are not.” Felicity says, looking back to narrow her eyes at him. Barry’s rather proud of how much restraint it shows that he  _ doesn’t _ poke his tongue out at her.

“Now it’s all making sense.” Cisco claims, grinning wide as he waves his twizzler. “You know who the Arrow is.” Then he pauses, turning to Barry. “Wait, do  _ you  _ know who the Arrow is?” At that, Caitlin also turns to Barry.

“What? Me? No.” Barry tries to brush off, shaking his head. Thankfully Felicity jumps in before they can push.

“Let’s just say that my team has a similar set up just with… more pointy objects.” She says.

“And stairs.” Barry recalls then startles. “Not that I’ve seen it, obviously. Fe was just complaining, you know, when we took the elevator.”

“I hate stairs.” Felicity tucks on.

Cisco and Caitlin definitely don’t believe them.

* * *

Barry runs because he needs Felicity to  _ see _ that things were different. This isn’t like when he was seventeen, it’s different.

He doesn’t hear the conversation that’s happening behind the glass.

“So is he really okay?” Felicity asks, watching Barry with more concern than she let him see before.

“His heart rate is within normal ranges. For him.” Caitlin assures.

“No, I mean… the lightning bolt changed him.” Felicity tries to explain. She remembers that grin on his face the first time he moved super fast. That moment where he felt he could do anything, even get his dad out of prison.

It wasn’t that simple, they knew it wasn’t that simple. The moment ended and Barry was back to his normal self. 

But this…

She hopes this changes him for the better, not the self-destructive. He was bad enough as is.

“Do any of you know how much?”

“We know a fair amount.” Cisco offers in the least convincing way possible. Felicity doesn’t notice, old fears suddenly resurfacing.

"If everything about him is sped up, is he going to age faster? What would happen if he ran too fast? I mean, would he just be running and then, poof! He's, he’s dust in a red costume?” She asks, trying to hide her growing panic as every horrible possibility comes to mind.

“Miss Smoak.” Dr Wells says, calmly. “Everything we do here, at STAR Labs, is to protect Barry Allen. Trust us Felicity, he is in  _ very _ good hands here.” Which are words that would probably help Felicity calm down, if Barry didn’t suddenly cut in.

“Wanna see how fast I can run backwards?” He calls, immediately followed by the sound of him hitting the treadmill and then the wall of padding behind.

“Don’t worry.” Caitlin chimes in. “He heals fast too.”

“Well that would’ve been useful.” Felicity mutters under her breath, glaring a little at her idiot of a best friend who doesn’t understand the concept of ‘self-preservation’.

* * *

“Why are you doing this?” Barry complains, looking over the trivia night poster.

“Doing what?” She asks, innocently, as she clears tables.

“This trivia night with you and Eddie, forcing this whole double date thing.” Barry says plainly.

“Because that girl is amazing, and comes from your rare breed of adorable nerd.” Iris says, like that’s answer enough.

“I thought you already had a boyfriend.” Barry huffs. 

“Not for me, for  _ you _ .” Iris replies, rolling her eyes. “She seems perfect for you Barry, why didn’t you tell me more about here?”

“There’s nothing to tell.” Barry claims, a bald face lie but one he’s gotten surprisingly good at since he left LA. “And more importantly she is not perfect for me, not like that. We’re just friends.”

“She jumped on a train and travelled hundreds of miles to see you.” Iris points out. 

“Yeah, I just got out of a coma.” Barry reminds. “Nevermind that I’d do that for you, coma or not.” Which probably isn’t the best comparison, actually.

“Come on Barry, just bring her tonight, please? It’ll be fun.” Iris tries, once more pulling out the puppy dog eyes. They’re a lot harder to ignore when he doesn’t have a cup of coffee to hide behind.

“Fine.” He gives in, groaning.

“Perfect.” Iris grins, looking much too proud for his likely.

* * *

“Iris thinks we’re crushing on each other.” Barry complains to Felicity the moment they’re out of Jitters.

“Almost everyone we meet thinks we’re crushing on each other Barry.” Felicity points out. “Including us.”

“Yeah but  _ we _ wised up.” Barry argues. “No one else ever seems to.”

“No one else has seen us try to date.” Felicity claims. “It’s a pretty solid point for platonic soulmates.” 

Barry can’t argue with that one.

* * *

One of the many advantages of super speed, as far as Barry’s concerned, is the ability to clean up your apartment for unexpected but very welcomed guests. 

One of the many disadvantages of best friends, is you can’t actually get away with that.

“Really Barry?” Felicity says, raising her eyebrow as she looks around his spotless apartment.

“What? It’s always this clean.” Barry claims.

“Oh I believe it’s always clean.” Felicity gives. “But I’m pretty sure you just used superspeed to wipe off specks of dust.”

“You can’t prove I did that.” Barry argues. 

He definitely did that.

* * *

Barry knows the moment Felicity pulls the dress from her bag that they’re going to be fanning the flames of Iris’ theory. 

But he also knows how rarely Donna Smoak looked at her daughter. And how important a glamorous appearance was, the few times she did.

“You look great.” He smiles, after zipping up the back of her dress.

“It’s not too much?” Felicity worries. “Or not enough?”

“It’s perfect Fe.” Barry assures. He forgoes the more casual outfit he’d picked for himself, instead putting on a suit vest and tie to match Felicity. It’s probably only going to fan the flames more, but is definitely worth it.

_ But is trivia night worth it? _ A part of him asks, right as they’re about to leave. 

“Barry?” Felicity asks, worried for a whole different reason.

“Is this a good idea?” Barry can’t help but ask. “I mean… Shouldn’t I be doing something else? Tracking down Len maybe or-”

“Stop that.” Felicity orders. “You’re allowed to take a night off Barry.”

“But what if something happens?” Barry stresses.

“You have super speed, you can deal with that something if it happens.” Felicity points out.

“Are you sure?” He asks, all but whispering. Felicity smiles, wrapping their arms together.

“I’m certain Bar.” She says. “You deserve some you time.”

* * *

Of course something  _ does _ happen.

And Barry, for all his super speed,  _ isn’t _ fast enough. The Security Guard will lose a leg, at best, fighting for his life against a gun that managed to slow Barry down.

A gun that Len shot.

At him.

And Joe.

And a whole room of civilians.

A gun that Cisco made.

“Barry.” Felicity tries but Barry’s focus has already narrowed to the man in front of him.

“You built it?” He asks. “Why?”

“Because cold and speed are opposites.” Cisco claims. “Temperature is measured by how quickly the atoms of something are oscillating. The faster they are, the hotter it is, and when they are cold, they're slower on the atomic level. When there’s no movement at all it’s called-”

“Absolute zero. I’m aware Cisco.” Barry cuts him off, growing annoyed. “That doesn’t explain why you built that thing.”

“I designed a compact cryo engine to achieve absolute zero, that’s what the cold gun is.” Cisco says. “I designed it to stop you.”

“Designed it to what?” Barry repeats, just in the hope he didn’t really hear that right.

“I didn’t know who you were back then Barry.” Cisco claims. “What if you turned out to be like Mardon?”

“And you just, kept it around after you did know me?” Barry asks. “Without even telling me?”

“We built this entire building to help people and it blew up in our face.” Caitlin reminds. “With that in mind, is it really surprising Cisco did it?”

“So you think I could still blow up, huh?” Barry rephrases.

“No!” Cisco argues.

“Then why did you keep it?!” Barry snaps. “You could have at least told me it existed! Then maybe I’d have been prepared tonight. Instead, people could have died. That guard might still die!”

“And that would have been on me.” Cisco claims.

“No, it would have been on all of us.” Barry says, flashing off before Cisco can get another word in.

* * *

“Barry.” Felicity calls, making her way into the room once Barry has run out his most immediate feelings. It’s something he’s done most of his life, but the effort of doing at super speed has left him drenched and exhausted. He should really stop, and probably eat one of the protein bars.

“Barry.” Felicity calls again when he doesn’t. Begrudgingly slowing, Barry feels the exhaustion fully hit him as he turns to her.

“I’m fine Fe.” He claims, trying to catch his breath. “You should head back and get some rest.”

“So should you.” Felicity says. 

“I said I’m fine.” Barry argues.

“Okay, but you’re not.” Felicity points out. Accepting this isn’t going to be a quick conversation, Barry steps off the treadmill to sit on it.

“A lot of people have died since this started.” Barry admits. “Not even counting the explosion, I watched Joe shoot Mardon to save the whole city. And I watched a man pry his way out of my hold so he could fall to his death. Kyle killed two people before I could stop him, and almost killed Joe.”

“There’s a lot of death in this line of work, Bar.” Felicity says, softly, as she takes a seat next to him. “And a lot of the time it’s not the bad guys.”

“I know.” Barry sighs, running ahead through his wet hair. “But today, if someone dies, it’s-”

“Len’s fault.” Felicity finishes for him. Although he frowns, Barry doesn’t actually disagree.

“I know ten years is a long time.” He says. “But I thought… I didn’t… I mean, this doesn’t seem like him.”

“It doesn’t.” Felicity agrees. “You know, most sixteen year olds probably don’t get into long debates over who it is and isn’t ethical to kill.” She points out making Barry smile for just a second.

“Well we weren’t most sixteen year olds.” He says, then frowns again. “Len was a lot more… flexible than us but… but that guard was just some random bystander. He wasn’t a bad person, or in Len’s way, or anything.”

“You think he was just testing your speed. You think Len thought you’d be able to save him.” Felicity says what Barry hasn’t wanted to admit. “It’s still not your fault, and it’s not Cisco’s either.”

“Isn’t it?” Barry mutters.

“No, it’s not.” Felicity repeats, just as firmly. “Even if that’s what Len was thinking, it was still him that shot the gun. Not you. And if he wasn’t… either way it’s his fault.” 

“I should have taken my mask off, actually talked to him.” Barry says.

“That would have just caused everyone problems. Especially you.” Felicity points out. “Barry, there’s nothing you could have done to change this. And that’s not your fault.” When Barry doesn’t say anything, she frowns deeper. “Nuh-uh mister.”

“Huh?”

“You aren’t getting out of this by just not arguing. I want you to say it.” Felicity orders.

“I can’t.” Barry says. “Even if you’re right I just-”

“Nope.” Felicity cuts him off, raising a finger at him. “Say it.”

“Felicity.” Barry tries to protest.

“We both know I can do this all night.” Felicity states. “It wouldn’t be the first time.” Or the second. Sighing, Barry raises his hands in surrender.

“It wasn’t my fault.” He says, trying his damndest not to choke on the words.

“Exactly.” Felicity accepts, smiling and dropping her hand. “And it wasn’t Cisco’s either.”

“He should have told me about that gun.” Barry argues.

“Maybe.” Felicity gives. “Or may he was right to keep it a secret. I know you better than you know yourself Bar, but he doesn’t. For all he knows this is a really long play and one day you’re going to become evil and he needs a backup plan.”

“But that’s not going to happen.” Barry frowns.

“He doesn’t know that.” Felicity points out. “I’m just saying, he had his reasons to keep it a secret. You of all people should understand that, or have you told them that Len is your ex?”

“That’s a bit unfair.” Barry sighs, even though he knows she has a point. There’s a lot of things he should have told them that he hasn’t, that he doesn’t think we ever will.

“Is it though?” Felicity calls him out immediately because of course she does. Sighing again, Barry drags himself to his feet.

“Alright.” He says. “I get it, I’ve had enough time to sulk. Let’s go.” Grinning, Felicity jumps up too.

* * *

“Hi Cisco.” Barry greets as he steps into the main room, making the named man startle.

“Barry!” He greets, looking as if he suddenly has no idea where he’s meant to put his hands or where he’s allowed to look. “Look, I really am sorry.” 

“It’s fine Cisco.” Barry assures, raising a hand to stop him. “I… I get why you made the gun and I’m sorry I overreacted.”

“You… are?” Cisco repeats, clearly surprised. “I mean, I don’t think it was an overreaction. I should have trusted you better.”

“Like you said, you didn’t know me.” Barry says. “It was actually kind of smart, a weapon that specialized would have really helped with literally every other metahuman we’ve met.” He adds with a laugh.

“So you’re not mad?” Cisco asks, tentatively.

“I’m not mad.” Barry confirms. He holds out his hand but Cisco by passes it completely, immediately going for a hug. 

“Oh thank god, I was so worried.” Cisco says as he clings to Barry. “You’re like, already one of my best friends dude. I didn’t want to lose you over this.”

“Oh you definitely wouldn’t have lost him.” Felicity assures. “You’re not even the first person to threaten to shoot him.” She says, tone chipper until she realizes everyone in the room is staring at her. “Uh, not that you actually threatened to shoot him, and not that  _ I _ threatened to shoot him. It was the Arrow. When they met. For very not complicated, not hide-out related reasons.”

“Now who’s terrible at keeping secrets.” Barry teases, feeling the tension seeping out of the room as they turn their attention to tracking the cold gun.

* * *

When Barry stops in front of Len, his communicator is off. Felicity’s right, things will get complicated if he reveals himself to Len. He can’t let that stop him, if it’s the only option Barry has. Still, if he has to he’d rather limit the complications. At least a little.

“There’s nowhere left to run.” Barry tells Len, vibrating his vocal cords just in case. He doesn’t want to give himself away if he doesn’t have to.

“I didn’t notice before.” Len says from the other end of the cold gun, tilting his head just a bit. Has he already figured it out? “Does your mummy know you’re out past your bedtime?” 

Oh.

Oh no, he hasn’t. He’s just making fun of Barry’s baby face. Of course he is.

“You are literally only a year older than me.” Barry mutters, rolling his eyes.

“Read my file, did you?” Len guesses, his smirk barely visible in the shadow of his hood. “Then you really should have known this was a trap. I’ve figured out your weakness Scarlet, and while you’re busy saving everybody, I’ll be saving myself.” Before Barry can react - before he can run, or call Len’s name, or  _ anything _ \- the ice beam hits the ground.

The train derails.

“Good luck with that.” Len smirks, jumping out an open door as the passengers scream.

He  _ was  _ testing Barry’s speed, when he shot that guard. Barry’s sure of it. Because he has just enough time to get everyone out safe. Not enough time to be comfortable, not enough time to do it without exhausting himself, definitely not enough time to go after Len, but  _ enough  _ time.

Propelled to the ground, back and lungs burning, Barry’s tries to get up anyway. Everyone’s safe and Len has a head start, but he has to try.

Ice burns his back as harshly as fire and Barry shouts, barely able to turn around and face Len as he stalks forward.

“Pretty fast kid.” Len says, like he hadn’t timed Barry’s response to the second. “But not fast enough.” He adds, gun aimed and ready to slow Barry’s heart to a stop.

All Barry can do is watch.

He should be doing something else.  _ Anything _ else. It’s too cold to run but… but Barry could pull off his mask. Could tell Len who he is.

Would Len still shoot him?

The thought keeps Barry’s mouth glued shut, his hands at his sides. There’s something different about Len shooting the streak instead of shooting Barry, something that makes the first a lot more bearable.

“I really should thank you first.” Len says. 

“For what?” Barry asks, unable to vibrate his vocal chords but knowing his voice is too hoarse for it to matter anyway.

“You forced me to up my game. Not just with this gun, but the way I think about the job.” Len answers, shrugging like it’s obvious. “It’s been educational.” Barry shuts his eyes, saying a silent goodbye to everyone as he hears the whirring of a gun.

“Drop it.” Cisco’s voice prompts Barry to look again, to look past Len. Cisco is standing there with Caitlin and Felicity, the three of them holding a large, brightly lit machine. “This is a prototype cold gun. Four times the size, four times the power.” He claims, eyes narrowed at the diamond thief.

“I was wondering who you were talking to.” Len hums, eyes turning back to Barry.

“Hey!” Cisco snaps, voice managing to sound entirely unpanicked. His hands don’t share the sentiment. “Unless you want a taste of your own medicine I’d back the hell up.”

“Your hands are shaking. You’ve never killed anyone.” Len states, clearly noticing the same thing.

“There’s a first time for everything, Captain Cold.” Cisco argues, the name making Len’s lips tilt. “I will shoot you.”

“No you won’t.” Len claims. “But,” he adds as he rests the cold gun against his shoulder, “you win kid. This time.” Turning to walk off, Cisco’s gun follows him.

“Leave the diamond.” He orders.

“Don’t push your luck.” Len returns. “I’ll see you around.” They watch him walk away until they can’t see him anymore, and then the others drop the gun.

“Couldn’t shoot him if I wanted to.” Cisco tells Barry. “This is the STAR Labs vacuum cleaner with a lot of LED lights.” 

“Good bluff.” Barry says, offering as much of a smile as he can manage.

“Let’s get you warmed up.” Felicity says, carefully helping Barry off the ice-covered ground.

“I’m pretty sure you three just saved my life.” Barry notes, forcing himself not to look back the way Len walked.

“Well, you can’t always get the glory.” Caitlin jokes.

* * *

“You have a great team here Barry.” Felicity says. “And I am starting to miss mine.”

“Heading home already?” Barry clarifies, not able to hide his disappointment.

“I’m worried they might burn Starling city to the ground without me. Or at least destroy several buildings.” Felicity jokes. Probably. 

“It was lovely meeting you Ms Smoak.” Dr Wells smiles. “Please extend a hello to the Arrow for us.”

“Will do.” Felicity nods. “Feel free to call if you ever need any help.”

“Oh I will.” Cisco assures.

“Safe trip Felicity.” Caitlin farewells.

“Come on, I’ll walk you out.” Barry offers, leading her towards the elevator.

“I’d hope so.” Felicity says, only once they’re out of earshot. “You’ve got the key to where all my stuff is.” 

“You sure you even want to take a train after tonight?” Barry asks. “I can just run you home.”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine Barry.” Felicity claims, rolling her eyes. “Will you be?” She adds, a little more seriously.

“...I think so.” Barry offers after thinking about it a moment.

“Did you tell Len?” Felicity presses after another minute.

“I didn’t.” Barry admits. “I was… I was too scared he’d shoot me anyway.”

“He wouldn’t.” Felicity quickly denies. “I mean, I’m sure he’s changed but… you meant alot to him.”

“I never tracked him down.” Barry sighs. “Or helped, or anything. He has a lot of reasons to hate me.”

“No he doesn’t.” Felicity says, stopping just to emphasize her point. “We were kids Bar, what were we meant to do?”

“I should have done something.” Barry argues.

“You couldn’t have done anything. Not for the Snarts, and not for me.” She claims, continuing when Barry pales. “Come on, we both knew your claim of payback was ballony.” 

“It was a little bit of payback.” Barry sighs, the two continuing to the elevator. “I didn’t want you to worry.” Barry admits, once they’re on their way to street level.

“I was worried.” Felicity admits. “And I’m going to stay worried. But you have a really good team here Barry, I’m sure they’ll look after you.”

“They do.” Barry assures and they slip into a comfortable silence. A comfortable silence Barry knows he has to break. “You know, you couldn’t’ve helped me back then either.” 

“I know.” Felicity sighs, hugging him tight around the waist. They both know. But knowing and believing are two very different things.

* * *

Barry steps into his apartment a few days later, humming a soft tune to himself. He shuts the door with his foot and plonks his arm load of bags onto the bench with a content sigh.

Then he stops.

There’s something on his dining table. 

Eyes darting around the room, Barry cautiously approaches the object.

It’s a… rose?

No, no it’s not a real rose. Picking the item off, it doesn’t take Barry long to realize the fake petals are thin cuts of…

“Diamond.” Barry breaths, trying not to get his hopes up too hard. Looking back at the table, he notices there was a scrap of paper under the rose.

_ ‘Heard you were back in town’ _ it reads, the words written above a phone number. If Barry uses his super speed to call the number... well, no one has to know.

“That was quicker than I expected.” The voice that answers isn’t nearly as cold as it was, last time Barry heard it.

“You know I’m a cop now right? I should report this.” Barry says, unable to control the smile on his face.

“You’re a CSI.” Len argues. “Besides, it’s an entirely legal gift.”

“You stole a diamond last week.” Barry points out.

“Different diamond.” Len claims. “Just don’t ask how I paid for it.” He adds, making Barry laugh.

“Hi Len.” He greets, tone soft and smile still so wide it hurts.

“Hi Barry.” Len returns, just as softly. 

* * *

Barry doesn’t put his groceries away for a good few hours, too distracted by the call. Even when he and Len (begrudgingly) hang up, they aren’t his first thought. No, his first thought is to take a photo of the rose and send it Felicity.

_Teddy Bear:_ _Guess he won’t have shot me after all_

His second thought is to pointedly  _ not  _ consider how this could backfire. If Len finds out about his super speed… or if the others find out about Len…

Yeah, Barry decides, definitely thinking about that.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh look [ ANOTHER link to collection of links.](https://linktr.ee/kailsmusings)


End file.
